Self esteem issues?

I'm either very busy with work or school but often, I'll have enough time to do some form of reflection at the end of the day. And that usually happens when I'm on my way home or during my weekly night jogs. Giving reasons as to how busy packed my schedule is, is surely a lame excuse to refuse an invitation when someone asks me out. I've mentioned this before and I'm gonna say it again, I.am.scared.

It sucks to be in this situation where you're afraid of one not accepting you for who you are. So many what ifs and what could have beens that should have clearly be deleted out of my mind already. Honestly, I'm afraid of not being good enough for anyone. I did my best. Heck, I was on my bestest behavior (normal self actually and always trying to please others) and shit still happens so, to think if something greater is to come.. Oh my that's one tough thought that is difficult to swallow. Very difficult.

A couple of things have been happening lately, good news and yes alhamdullilah for them but I'm feeling the pinch as one by one are really and truly settling down. To think they are all real good mens, just a bit cheeky but heyyy we were all young and naughty aren't we? What bothers me is that deep down I knew I've lost many good men that tried to pursue me but I just wasn't returning the favor or feelings or oh godddd, I simply don't know. :(

Sometimes I felt like I've been cursed. Cursed under a huge dark spell that won't allow me to love again. 

Have faith and a little bit of kindness.

Honestly, it's not that difficult to be kind towards one another.

A piece of you to another human being or animal or anything that matters to you, shouldn't be a problem.
What goes around comes around, you do good, others will too. That has always been my mantra.

What if?

You're all I ever wanted.

Nonsense. Do not read.

Too often have I noticed myself backspacing my train of thoughts for fear of being judged. But then again, how long am I gonna be so conscious? If people liked what they read or see, they'll continue to follow. Else, they will do the next best thing. Unfollow. I don't know about you but social media had and will probably have a great impact on my daily life and future. Sadly, I am very much addicted to it. It's close to the caffeine that I have to have every morning. I tried to stop for a week or two but then I'll be craving for it badly during the weekends. Sure it's all in the mind but...

Few have taken the step back but hey, to each its own right? Just because you've stopped sharing stuffs, that's really erm.. None of my business. Okay all that aside.. I wanted to be on hiatus on IG but I failed miserably. Hahaha.

Okay, this post is pointless and I don't think it made any sense either.

Right.. I know why none of all these makes sense. It's because.. I AM HUNGRY AND LAST NIGHT, I SPENT $199 ON A PAIR OF WORK HEELS BUT I SHALL NOT REGRET BECAUSE IT'S FROM CLARKS AND IT'S COMFY AND STYLISH AS HELL.

Ps: I want seafood tom yum banmian, beef satay extra peanut sauce, spicy prawn otah, mee rebus and hot cheng teng.

Pss: I want cinnamon churros with dark chocolate and indomie extra pedas extra telur. 

Someone surprise me with food ah please ah please tolongggggggggggggg.

Till death do us apart.

Beautiful Celebrations.

 For I am nothing, without them both. 

Right now now nowww.

You know how at the end of the day, you just want to be left alone? Yeah I've been feeling like that a little more than often lately. I cannot wait for actions to materialize though deep down I'm nervous to do so. It might be an eye opener. Or a terrible risk that I'm willing to take. Now.. I'm just counting the days! Lotsa prayers and lucks for would be much appreciated! x

Daydream.

You know what I'll be looking forward right now?

To be wearing my beautiful white crochet bralet, deep navy flirty short skirt that flows perfectly, red lips game on, some classy ankle strap heel sandal, get my hair done in soft curls and then head to a party with french tunes like alors on danse with the man that I'm head over heels for. To dance all night, have simple delicious tapas, lotsa sparkling drink, to laugh, to smile and to fall in love over and over again with the man that is in my arms. Aaaahhhhh so nice.

Okay it's 6pm. Time to get back to reality!

Cake Spade Anniversary! x

 Celebrated Cake Spade's Anniversary with my darling valentine, Zaimah and we got a beautiful bouquet of roses along with a few others in hues of purple for the amazing baker/owner/founder, Zenn but sadly.. We missed her by a few minutes and she had to run errands. Nonetheless, always praying the best for one of my bestest girls in their future endeavors.

If you're there and you aren't sure of what to get, don't worry. E v e r y t h i n g is sedap nak mampos aka grafifying! A slice won't kill babes. You'll burn off them calories in your 5 inch. Latersss!

Power of VSCOcam.

I'm not perfect.

Avalon Organics in Mango yumsss.

Too often I feel like I'm so indecisive of what I want to do. At this point of time, I wished I can do everythingggg but of course time and money is not on my side. In fact, half the time I'm dead beat  after work is done and I tend to switch off at around 5ish. Mentally that is. I do have to recommend that the tea I've been taking from Skinny Mint does help to give me a boost through out the day. The percentage of sluggish-ness that I feel has lessen and truth be told, I'm able to stay up a lil longer. Not too sure if that's good or bad though.

Never mind those rambles of mine. I'd like to share a few new products that I recently tried on for my hair and I'm loving it! It all begins when I had a hair trim and did an Aveda hair treatment a few weeks back. What caught me into all this organic / sulphate free was the fact that everything was soo soothing. There was no strong chemical smell and that for sure is a good sign!


Recently, I went to iherb.com and made purchase for these shampoo + conditioner! I love the mango scent so much (tried it earlier in Watsons and the price there was crazy!). Long story cut short, good smelling hair is important to me and the fact that it's all organic.. I'm sold. Happy buyer is me all thanks to the products + slathering olive oil on the hair thrice a week really helps a lot and you can see the love I have for my hair in the next few photos! Hehe.

I can't wait to try on the yogi tea! Dying to know if it helps for the never ending menstrual cramps that I get monthly and Yasmin aka birth control pills are too expensive for me to keep up with. Yeap, I went to visit gynae sometime early last year to get things checked and alhamdullilah I'm all good. According to the foctor, I'm ovulating a little too well (therefore the pain) but hey, gotta look on the positive side. Insyaallah I'll be able to get a child without a problem. Ps: I want 3 boys hahaha.

xx

Oh my, where I begin.

I woke up with an overwhelming sense of nostalgia because you showed up in my dream last night. We had found ourselves in each other’s presence again, in Paris of all places. You were married, and had become the owner of quite a fancy restaurant in this foreign city; I was visiting for the moment, and we came upon each other by chance. Hard as I try now to grasp and hold on to the dream, I no longer remember the exchange of words between us, but I would never be able to forget how I felt.

It was the same feeling I always got; the heightened emotions and the involuntary belief that you and I were something special, that what we had was once in a lifetime and we had let go too easily. I laid there for a few minutes after my alarm went off, overcome by this familiar yet unwelcome feeling. I looked at him sleeping next to me, and was unable to reach over and kiss him like I usually do. Your presence in my head froze my body in place, disrupted me from my usual routine.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been nearly two years since I was last in your arms, a place that I desperately and fervently wanted to stay in during that pivotal period in our lives. We were so passionate and so in love, but also young and more foolish. We each made choices that shaped the outcome of our story, which eventually led to our divergent paths. I don’t regret my decisions or blame you for yours, for they were exactly what we had wanted at those moments in time.

I miss you, but I don’t want the older and wiser you in my dream, nor the you in real life, whatever that form may be. I miss the you back then, the one who dared to kiss me in a crowded bar, who stole moments with me when no one was looking, who risked hurting others in order to inch closer to me. I was all you could see then, and nothing else mattered. We were reckless and even cruel to the people close to us, but we were blissfully happy because we finally had what we wanted for a long time – each other. We couldn’t maintain it, however, because it is not the passion that determines the longevity of a romance, but the sacrifices one is willing to make. And you and I weren’t.

We never had a clean start, or a defined break. He simply walked into my life at the appropriate moment, and I walked out of yours. For the longest time I wasn’t sure I could fully be over you, over the thought of us, over the idea that we had an epic love story to tell. But when I woke up from my trance of you this morning, I realized that I was. And I have been for a long time. You will always be significant, but I can be nostalgic for you and the memories we created, while my life simultaneously carries on without you.

I finally did kiss him this morning, returning myself to a familiar and peaceful routine. He makes me happy, and he’s the one I’m going to marry. He is everything I’ve ever wanted, and I’m thankful for the way life has turned out. I also hope that you learned from what happened with us and are not making the same mistakes with her. She gets to benefit from the loss of you and me, but I don’t mind, not anymore.

Perfection in my eyes.

Times like these..

 I wished it rained dollar bills.

Phewwww a lot to share eh.

Ola! I have a bit of time in my hands right now and I actually have a particular post about how my version of pledging of one's love to other shall be but I guess not? I mean.. Hell, I'm no where there at all! But helllll, I might just do it one of these days! Hahahaha.

Okay let's back track to the past 2 weeks..

Staycation at Pan Pacific x Electric Run

Atiqah, Imah and myself were extremely happy with the hotel that we've chosen and the whole layout is similar to our last trip in KL, Hotel Maya. Except for the fact that this time round, it's not overlooking graveyards hehehe. Ahhh 5 star hotels are always best la. 

I'm not gonna sugar coat for Electric Run but I honestly find that whole run was a little waste of time, money and energy. If it wasn't for my girls, I would have started swearing in my heart while actually running. Yeah, we were all walking and later, brisked walk because we wanted to end it. Hahaha.

Shopping loots x Vietnamese Food

I know I wasn't supposed to shop so much but I had to. HAHAHA yes, "had" to. I needed to relieve my shopping satan out and.. I was happy when I did it. Being happy and to stay happy is what matters right? :P

My go to place when I'm craving for Viet food would be The Orange Lantern as it's nearest to my workplace (kind of la, Kent Ridge to Harbour Front in 15mins!) + it's so difficult to settle for something halal when it comes to something soupy and beefy. Anyway, I heard that So Pho at JEMS would be halal soon as they're under Bali Thai but we shall see how it goes in time to come. Another that I've yet to try would be Pho 4A! Heard many good reviews about it and perhaps I shall head over there next month or so!

Supposing-ly JB trip turned to Arab Street.

This was the day where I spent so much moolah simply because I went to change loads of SGD to MYR only to be disappointed with the crazy queue at Kranji. We (mom, nenek and Ab) detoured to Arab Street instead for first up, lunch at Hajah Maimunah (my treat!). Finally had all those tasty dishes cravings fixed hehehe. Then had my spare cash to get my Raya outfits tailored and I've got a good feeling about this particular lady. She reminds me so much of our personal tailor in JB, Auntie Wong. A very good friend of nenek but god loves her more and took her in the most unexpected way. :( On a better note (so I assume), I felt generous that day and bought clothes for mom and dad too! Quick shout out to my baby sister for taking those OOTD shots of slack me in a plain top and jeans!

Okay I just noticed that it would way too long to share everything in one post, so see ya in the next! x