I'm either very busy with work or school but often, I'll have enough time to do some form of reflection at the end of the day. And that usually happens when I'm on my way home or during my weekly night jogs. Giving reasons as to how busy packed my schedule is, is surely a lame excuse to refuse an invitation when someone asks me out. I've mentioned this before and I'm gonna say it again, I.am.scared.
It sucks to be in this situation where you're afraid of one not accepting you for who you are. So many what ifs and what could have beens that should have clearly be deleted out of my mind already. Honestly, I'm afraid of not being good enough for anyone. I did my best. Heck, I was on my bestest behavior (normal self actually and always trying to please others) and shit still happens so, to think if something greater is to come.. Oh my that's one tough thought that is difficult to swallow. Very difficult.
A couple of things have been happening lately, good news and yes alhamdullilah for them but I'm feeling the pinch as one by one are really and truly settling down. To think they are all real good mens, just a bit cheeky but heyyy we were all young and naughty aren't we? What bothers me is that deep down I knew I've lost many good men that tried to pursue me but I just wasn't returning the favor or feelings or oh godddd, I simply don't know. :(
Sometimes I felt like I've been cursed. Cursed under a huge dark spell that won't allow me to love again.
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