Someone to be mine faithfully.

Honestly, sometimes I don't know how I do it. I've pushed so many people away and I feel that it's unfair. Unfair for not giving them a chance but the same time, I don't wish to give hope in any way. In fact.. I'm scared, I'm shy to go out with someone new and that's just me. Ps; I always have this insecure shit going on with my looks. I don't ever want to be in a position to break anyone's heart either (if things doesn't work out)because I know how it feels. With that, I'm simply going with the flow. (If there is any in the first place. Idk also la.) I've planned so much and I'm tired already. Will someone out there do something special for me instead? If you're willing to do so, I sure will lower down my towering high barriers for all guys and all this love. Oh wait, what is love anyway?