One old one.

"We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Sometimes we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it's easier.
 Sometimes we find our own way out. But regardless, always, we are found."

Current jam.

Finding our truth in a hope of doubt. Lying inside our quiet drama.

Wearing your heart like a stolen dream, opening skies with your broken keys.

La famila ft indian food ftw!

I'm not gonna lie that I've been not been veryyyy happy at home as I'm annoyed at some things but I'm not gonna bother explaining in depth. Some things are really, better left unsaid. Anywayyyy, a mini gift for dad on #happyfathersday and I've got no one to blame but myself as I was the one who got him the Verdon set a few years back. I love the smell and since dad said his face feels cleaner with it, good. We had a family brunch last Saturday after our ngaji lesson in the morning and yeap, that's pretty much it. Another bonding time for us to speak out and share nonsense which we haven't had the time to do so. Till then, xx.

Is there really any point in making plans?

Stealing glances because I need surety or comfort that you'll be the one that will make me happy, that I'll be able to make you happy for as long as I breathe, you'll be the one that will carry me on our kitchen island while you take the ladle away from me to simply disrupt me in the midst of cooking, you'll be the one brewing a mini pot of earl grey when we are both exhausted from work, I'll be the one to give you a mini facial and willingly share my exfoliators and masks with, I'll be the one who will be more than excited to give you a luxurious scrub with the latest product I got from Sephora or iHerb hahahaha, we'll be the one to take turns in keeping our love nest clean, we'll the one who will share/rant on our daily happenings to, we'll be the one who will receive first hand news (be it good or bad), we'll be the one whom we will look for when we run into unforeseen trouble, we'll be the one to love each other till the end of time and that is, forever.

Mid week updates.

Before I begin, I'd like to let the whole wide world that I'm very tired and sleepy right now. I wished I can head back home right after work today but I'm made plans with my girlfriends and I'm not the kind that would bail out at the very last minute unless I'm down with my monthly period cramps. On a good note, I suggested to have some cinnamon or chocolate churros at Orchard Central! We shall see how that goes, I hope it'll be good or else, I might be.. Cranky. Hahaha.

A good mid week was spent with Zie at Arteastiq Boutique Tea House. I'd only recommend the teas there and definitely not the food. Lychee Tea wins over Pomelo Tea and for the 'Afternoon Treats', which was part of the High Tea Sets, the food was not worth our $56. Only the salmon slices x orange cake tasted good, the rest was crap. :( Hmmm.. I don't really have much to say about this place either, it is quiteeeee nice but I assume the white furniture/wall where we were seated, needs a fresh coat of paint. Also, the service staff by the bar needs to learn how to smile more then perhaps, food might taste better. 

 We popped by Zaimah's workplace right after I got my BB Ettusais and I practically layankan Zie with her never ending nonsense. Hahahaha. Oh yaaaaaaaaaa did ya know that sushi at the conveyor belt at Ramen Ten after 8pm? goes for 99cents per plate and hell, we had a great time stacking them up hehehehe. I LOVE SASHIMI BUT IT AIN'T GOING FOR 99CENTS. In fact, I didn't know how much it costs for a plate of 8 fat thick salmon slices.. I just.. eat and pay only lor. x

Strong, stronger.

I was scrolling through my FB page and oh my.. Things have surely taken a 360 degree change. I never knew I was so broken, literally. Reminiscing those times where I fall terribly ill which result in me weighing 37kg light, crying during dinner time with family/in long bus rides/before I sleep daily. I never ever want to go through again. Yeah, there I've said it (why it's so hard for me to fall back into that dark hole) and for you who are still reading, I hope you'll never have to go through any of that. It fucking hurts till the fact that each time I think about these, the urge to throw up aka puke is very strong.

Very glad, thankful and blessed to say that I have slowly mended myself with nothing but love. More love. Of course, I won't be able to do it without the help of my parents, sisters, bestest girlfriends and guyfriends that never fail to guide and send concerns to me every now and then. It's been years. Those horrid times will always be a part of me and I've learnt to be the bigger person and let things go. Just like a friend once said.. "Even when times are hard.. You always have to give life another chance."

Love, it comes when you least expects it to and it will leave because nothing last forever but the love you have for yourself and within you.. Will never ever fade.

A particular letter for self to wake up.

I thought I'd share this here as well as a reminder to myself..

"

I’ve seen it happen way too many times: The nice guy loses the girl for being exactly who he is. What’s even worse is if he’s really the nice guy, he’s going to lose her and say nothing about it. He’ll accept it as something she truly wants and give her his best wishes, as she walks away being everything he could ever want. On behalf of all the nice guys out there, this is to the girl who walked out on the best thing that ever happened to her:

---

Dear Girl Who Walked Away,

It’s not like you weren’t aware of what you were getting yourself into. He told you he was nice. He trusted easily and gave you all he could when he could. The nice guy believes in doing things right. He was there when you needed him to be, and he went out of his way to make sure you knew just how much you could mean to someone. We live in a generation where we all have to wear masks and play parts to make it through the battlefield of dating in the 21st century. There is no such thing as giving it your all.

We like quotes on Facebook and post things on Instagram stating we want the masochist one day and the romantic the next. We play these games where being available can only happen sometimes, and playing hard-to-get must be our number one priority. Why? I thought the ultimate goal was to eventually settle down. I mean, what is the point of dating if you have no desire for it to go anywhere? If a one-night stand is what you’re looking for, leave the good guys alone and toy within the levels you lay down. Save yourself time and energy because the good guy isn’t going to make it easy to just walk away. The good guy cares, so he’ll get his explanation from you even though he knows it’ll be a load of bull.

Every girl says she likes the assh*le because he’s the challenge — the one she must break, train and force to be more than just a douchebag. Have you ever thought, however, maybe you were the girl in need of learning what it means to actually feel again? You went through something, like we all do, and because of it you changed. It’s normal and heartbreak happens, but the next assh*le didn’t fix what the first one did; he kept it the same or made it worse. His priority was not you and couldn’t be you. So now you’re bitter and closed off from anything remotely more satisfying than a one-night stand.

I won’t deny that the assh*le is fun or that a good time isn’t promised with him, but when it’s all said and done, is it ever more than just a good time? Probably not. In fact, the assh*le has a charm about him; it’s the charm you justify your pursuit with. You say, “There’s just something about him.” However, it’s probably the same quality that ended up hurting you in the past.

So you tried to push the nice guy away. When he wouldn’t go away, you pushed harder. Still, he didn’t give up and every time you pushed harder, he pulled you in even more. He ignored your fears and forced you to grow; he fought for your passions when you were too busy writing them off. He forgot your wants and focused on everything you needed. Then you walked away because he was too nice.

He gave you too much of everything you wanted, and life got too easy. You wanted conflict and hardship as if everything else in life did not promise you an endless journey of just that. This is where you failed. The nice guy has been hurt, too, he just chose to stay nice. He learned that different people were going to provide him different things in life. The nice guy also chose not to let any of it change who he was. So, he let you walk away and he called it a day. Everyone always says there are plenty of fish in the sea, and he let you go knowing this, even though it hurt.

What you don’t know is that someone else is out there, and she won’t be as foolish you. When you realize all you really want is the nice guy who cares about you too much, it’s going to be too late. Some other girl will be able to see how great he is, and she won’t waste a minute. So you lost your Ted Mosby and, I promise, to him you were Robin. The nice guys are there to give you a break, a light to something more than the games we identify our generation with.

He may have loved you too soon and it was too crazy and too much, but guys like Mosby don’t happen every day; they happen never. He got you the blue French horn, and he made you feel love when love was no longer a part of your vocabulary. You were now saying “I love you” again and remembering what it felt like.

He was the guy you were supposed to end up with, who makes everything change. I just wish you’d see it before another girl does because at the end of the day, everyone, including the nice guy you don’t deserve, is rooting only for you.

Sincerely, The Girl Who Was Too Late

"

Two words, hurt and guilty. Yes I am but I believe things will change..
Credits: x

Beginning of June.

If only I could take a sneak peek to the last few pages as I'm very interested to know how this ends.

But.. What's destination without the journey?