I.

The only thing that has been bothering me late at night and usually early morning is the fact that we don't talk as often as we did before. In all honesty, I miss those times where we can talk about anything and everything, the things that happens daily at work or at home, the events that we've been to or simply ranting and complaining about our day, disturbing and annoying each other but always ending up with a smile. I mean.. At least that's how I felt and I hope the same goes to you too.

Hope is probably all that I have.

I wished you'd ask me again, I wished you'd get on my nerves like you always do, I wished you'd say something. This friendship that we both share. It's different. It's different when it's with you and I don't ever want to lose you, even if we are just.. Friends.

4 letter word.

I gave up with this shit.

Of November Thirty.

Turning 23 wasn't such a big thing for me this year maybe because I already had the intention of having it a small affair with family and the close ones. Though till now, I'm still somber over the fact that I got no mini brownie with a lighted candle nor a birthday card. Haha oh well, I guess it's not my year or nobody thought that it's important to have one. There's a reason why I said that it's different and I truly know or rather, can see who puts in effort and who simply goes with the flow. That aside, time to photo spam!

 Pre-birthday dinner at Nasrin since every other place I'd like to try don't do reservation or simply full house. Thank god their food was, or rather has been good albeit the fact that I can sheesha that night. Many thanks to Syaf especially for the night and I lurveeee the Ted Baker bling bling purse! It's super eye catching and has lotsa compartments for me to use. Perfecto!

I wanted to bring the family out to Gurame at Changi Beach but the thought of traveling all the way in.. I was so malas. Haha. Therefore, next best thing was to cook for the family and bake myself a cake! Hell yeahhh I've been wanting to do that for weeks! Syirah helped with the strawberry cheesecake which turned out a little too sweet but hey! that's expected right? Both Syirah and I are sweet. HAHAHA. I still am loving the salmon that I baked in the oven. So simple and yet major noms! Besides all the food, dearest mom bought me white roses on my birthday! That was ♡♡♡

 Met the online babes that I've somehow grown closer to. Renny needs no introduction la coz I've been out with her for quite a while and all thanks to her, I got my MUFE loot at a huge discount. Nothing but praises for the Mat Velvet +, HD Primer, HD loose powder and the Intense Rouge lipstick that I did not regret buying one it! My very first red lippie that compliments my skin tone greatly. I can't wait to have it on special occasions! Dinner at Maison Ikkoku Cafe and huge portion of smoked salmon x avocado x ciabatta. I didn't think the Paddle Pop Cake was great though. It was pretty boring and tasteless to me? Nevertheless, I had a good girl time!

Something that the twenties can relate to, myself included.

Our 20s are marked by restlessness. We reject the norms prescribed to us by a society that’s stagnant and self-interested. We revel in randomness manufactured by the hands of those we hope to impress. We refuse to accept that this is all there is.

Our expectations are tinged with hopeless idealism. We scoff at people who have settled, like those who moved back to their hometown or got engaged to their college sweetheart. We take pride in our freedom and independence while pitying our loneliness and indecision.

We’re a generation of flakes and dreamers. Just knowing that we can go anywhere and do anything gives us permission to ignore all that doesn’t fit neatly into this idea of who we are. And at times, we feel immortal. That life is a never-ending weekend of cheap beer and fish tacos and thrift stores and dance parties.

But deep down we’re terrified that we’ll wake up to find the world has moved on without us. That what we had in mind was just a misguided vision. That maybe there isn’t anyone out there who understands us the way we need to be understood. Or loves us the way we need to be loved. Or needs us the way we need to be needed.

Our 20s are exciting and confusing and wonderful and frustrating – all at the same time.
There are moments when I feel like it’s too much. That the process is too difficult. That figuring it out is too heartbreaking. And I’m not sure I’m strong enough to carry all of this weight.
Sometimes I wish I could fast forward ten years into the future, just to see how it all turns out. I wish there was a formula I could follow to get the life I think I want. I wish someone would take me by the shoulders and tell me everything will be okay.

But sometimes when I’m walking home by myself on a dimly lit street, I’m happy for no reason at all. Because I’ve never felt so alive with the possibility that anything could happen.

 

Lately.

It's like back on a roller coaster ride, one minute I feel the high and don't need anybody's validation and when the time comes, I hit bottom low. Hate it.

It's like a never ending ride, with nobody to push the stop button, the rush and then the sick in the stomach feeling followed by the fall of the heart. This has to stop but it isn't. Hate it.

Well hello there you.

Woahhhh I've totally neglected this space and I feel sorry for nobody else but myself. At times I see no point in sharing anything here anymore because aside from the fact that I doubt anybody bothers to read, I'm always on twitter and instagram. Therefore, the need to blog lessens as I share most of the things there. Haha.

Oh wells, might reserved this space for more "personal" thoughts.. Till then.